Mike Morhaime, Frank Pearce, Rob Pardo, and Chris Metzen are all sitting inside a gargantuan conference room with plush leather seats.
Morhaime: Well, Gentlemen, we've done it yet again. Executed a perfectly good game that has broken record sales.
Pearce: Mike, we've gotten reports that our fans love the new game designs and incredibly crafted story line.
Metzen: It's true, the story is one of the most important parts of the Blizzard pillars and our fans have recognized how much effort and thought was utilized to create such a masterpiece.
Pardo: Let's toast to a bottle of champagne, shall we?
Morhaime: After the meeting with Jay Wilson. He's going to update us on the current development.
Pearce claps his hands and from beneath the floor, a hydraulic chair slowly emerges carrying Jay Wilson.
Jay Wilson: Good evening gentlemen.
Metzen looks at Jay Wilson and rubs at his mouth.
Jay Wilson: I have good news to report that we have just released another successful patch.
Metzen coughs and hints to Jay that he has something on his mouth, yet he is completely oblivious. The other executives stare at Jay's food covered face and shirt with ketchup stains.
Jay Wilson: After discussing the issue with myself, I have made a couple small design tweeks. The latest patch brings home what I feel is fun.
Metzen: You didn't change the story did you?
Jay Wilson: Of course not, reports show that ages 3 to 4 love the story and will help usher in a new generation of computer gamers.
Morhaime: Perfect. So you have been listening to our stock investor meetings Jay?
Jay Wilson: I'll listen to anything if food is there. Anyway, the clients have shown that they are able to find areas which are suitable for finding gear and this goes against my design philosophy. This is unacceptable and I have removed any high quality item from these regions.
Pardo: So people don't farm any of the bosses correct?
Jay Wilson: Not only will people not farm any of the bosses, but the entire game will drop mostly vendor trash.
Pardo: Wouldn't that cause gold to go up and prices to inflate?
Jay Wilson: Way ahead of you Rob. I've increased the gold repairs by the number of cheese burgers I like to eat in one setting.
Metzen: I knew you were a genius when we hired you.
Jay Wilson: Also, I've noticed that people are only creating ranged characters to farm. This is unacceptable and the increased attack speed has been reduced to the usefulness of percent on health with weapons. This will make it so people cannot progress in the game.
Morhaime: What about botters? Have you been able to track their movements.
Jay Wilson: Negative. I had a dream that when I opened jars of cookies, and none were to be found, I would put those negative thoughts into the game. People think that when you open a cookie jar, there will be cookies, but when there are none, you get mad.
Pardo: It's true, people like cookies.
Jay Wilson. Exactly, especially botters which is why I decided that anyone opening a jar or anything that might house something delicious will be unsatisfied like I was in my dream.
Metzen: I think we need to open that bottle of champagne gentlemen!
Mike Morhaime, Chris Metzen, Rob Pardo, Frank Pearce, and Jay Wilson are all enjoying a bottle of champagne in a labyrinth sized conference room. Jay Wilson gulps his entire glass of champagne while the others casually sip theirs.
Jay Wilson: I like bubbles.
Morhaime: I bet you like promotions too?
Jay Wilson's eyes bug out with excitement and he starts to drool on himself. Frank Pearce snaps his fingers and a poof of smoke reveals a young man who looks just like Jay Wilson but baked evenly in his mother's womb.
Bashiok: I didn't miss it did I?
Morhaime: Of course not! You're just in time for Jay Wilson's surprise promotion!
Bashiok is wearing a birthday hat and starts giggling while puffing on party blowers. All the executives laugh at the Community Managers hilarious antics.
Pardo: It's a good thing we don't have grooming standards at Blizzard because Charles Manson called and wants Bashiok's diablobeard back.
Bashiok nervously laughs and hopes he won't get fired soon. Pearce motions to Bashiok to get him a sandwich. Bashiok quickly scurries off.
Jay Wilson: I'm hungry. What's for lunch.
Pearce: Didn't you just finish lunch twenty minutes ago?
Jay Wilson: Yes?
Jay Wilson looks confused.
Morhaime: Gentlemen, if Jay Wilson wants two lunches, he can absolutely have them! After all, he is Senior Executive Chief Director of @#!$@!%.
Jay Wilson: What's @#!@!%?
Morhaime: It's our secret project that only a select few have the privilege of knowing.
Frank grabs Jay Wilson by the shoulder and brings him in closer. Jay Wilson is noticeably uncomfortable.
Pearce: Imagine a secret project that only five people in the world know about?
Jay Wilson: Like Bush's Beans secret?
Pearce: Like Skull and Bones secret, Jay. I'm talking the big leagues.
Bashiok enters without a sandwich.
Pearce: I thought I told you to make me a sandwich?
Bashiok: Yes, I know Sir. It's just that we have a minor issue on our hands.
Morhaime: What now Bashiok?! You're always the party pooper!
Bashiok wipes sweat from his brow.
Bashiok: It's the community again. They're acting up.
Pardo: What are those s hit throwing monkeys doing now?
Bashiok: They think that Jay Wilson should be fired.
Morhaime: Fired?! He is the best damn game Director we've had since WOW:WOTLK!
Bashiok: I know Mike. I tried to tell them that but I'm too busy deleting their threads.
Jay Wilson violently closes his eyes and covers his ears.
Metzen: Bashiok! Look what you've done. He's just a child!
Metzen holds Jay Wilson to his breast.
Morhaime: Bashiok, you listen to me and you listen good! You're NOT to respond to any of their posts. You're Navy Seal Team 6 and you treat them all like a bunch of terrorists. You will not give in to ANY of their demands.
Bashiok: Yes, Sir!
Morhaime: Now get out of here and make Pearce his falafel sandwich!
Bashiok crawls away.
The executives huddle around Jay Wilson.
Pardo: Listen Jay, you're an amazing game Director. You are the perfect person for this franchise and people like you!
Jay Wilson removes his glasses and wipes away his elephant tears.
Jay Wilson: Really? You guys still want to give me a promotion?
Morhaime: Are you kidding? What does the community know? Now come into my office so we can show you our secret project...
The executives all look at one another and grin.
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