Leaving Blizzard was an incredibly difficult thing to do. Metzen had been there since he was a kid and it was his whole life, his identity, all consuming. Blizzard allowed him to realize all of the dreams he had when he was younger.
The years working on Titan were very frustrating.
There was lots of stress and fear. What if the next game or project isn't perfect? What if people hate it? What if he dishonors the company or himself by not performing well enough?
There was a vicious loop of performing well and then expectation to perform well for the next thing.
It doesn't matter if your game is a hit and people love your work, you have to outdo it the next time.
When the Titan project was cancelled, Metzen was at a very low place, very frustrated and unsure that he wanted to keep doing it.
After Titan the team came up with the Overwatch idea.
Metzen wasn't sure if he could be a Creative Director and leader, getting everyone fired up and held together.
In his mind he romanticized it as one last charge at the wall, motivated by his love for Blizzard and his friends.
He felt like his friends and Blizzard needed him, which is a very powerful emotion. He wanted to do right by all of his people.
Titan was so heartbreaking in many ways. Too many people were protecting their own visions and instincts for what it should be. People stopped communicating and developing together. The team fractured.
Overwatch was a gift and blessing. It reminded everyone of where they were strongest. The fact that it did well is just icing on the cake.
What Metzen will remember when he is 80 is the joy of getting to build Overwatch with that team and what it felt like to pull each other up again.
Metzen had wanted to do solo cinematics that could stand alone for years and being able to do so for Overwatch was very fun.
He started having panic attacks and anxiety during the year or two leading up to his retirement. He didn't know they were panic attacks originally and ended up in urgent care where they couldn't find anything wrong with him.
He is somewhat introverted and enjoys being in familiar and comfortable situations. He doesn't go out a lot and doesn't have a lot of friends outside of Blizzard after all of these years. He is doing better about that now, reaching out to people now that he has more energy to do so.
Metzen told his kids that they would go to BlizzCon for a few hours this year to see Weird Al. The panic started coming back right before BlizzCon, so he didn't go.
At one point he was in a state of constant panic for several days. His wife told him that it wasn't something he was just going to walk off and he went and got help. Deep down he knew he wanted to be done, but he didn't know how to accept it. He would have never let go of Blizzard or what he felt was his obligation to all of the people there if this hadn't happened.
Blizzard is a great group of people and they would be fine without him, he wouldn't be failing anyone by leaving. It's almost like he needed someone to tell him that he had done well and it is was okay to rest now.
Being home with his family has been amazing. The only thing he really misses is his friends.
There is action in the day as a creative leader, interacting with people you love to jam with on fun ideas. Then there is the part that is actually building it, having to account for all of the people and the project, the politics, being the boss, having the pressure of having lives and careers in your hands. He misses talking about cool ideas with friends.
Metzen may have work in the years to come, but struggles to imagine joining a corporation again or becoming a corporate officer again.
He will want to tell stories again, but in a far more limited capacity.
Maybe eventually he will work on something with Christie Golden.
Metzen doesn't want to leap back in to the creative arena before he is ready to do so. He needs to consider why he is doing it and only do it if it is because it brings him joy. If it is for any other reason, such as keeping his swords sharp, avoiding being forgotten, or proving that he still has it, then it would be a mistake to do it.
Möglicherweise beugt er so ziemlich clever einem Burnout vor.
